Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Winter Narrative

Angelo Villamil
Mrs. Boresen
Expository Writing
Winter Narrative
1/13/09

During my winter break I hung out with a lot of my friends along with a lot of my family while playing in some sports activities, so my break was pretty busy. I realized that spending time with my family like my father was the best time I had during the whole break. Even though we only spent about one or two days together I still had a great time.
All though the plan was just to be me and my dad it ended up being me my little sister Alexis, my two little brothers Zaiha and Angel then my older step brother Brandon. My little sister is nine years old and my little brother Zaiha is two and my little brother Angel is twelve, Brandon who is my oldest brother just turned eighteen. I first got to my dad around noon then we played basketball for a while and of course I beat him like always. After that we went to the mall and went shopping for a little bit since I wouldn’t be able to see him on Christmas day, while we were at the mall we decided to go see the new movie Spirit. I had fun not only because I don’t see my dad that often but just the fact that he is my dad and he is pretty cool to hang out with. I enjoyed showing him I could dance and proving to him that I was better at basketball then I used to be.
At first we ended up at my grandmas house then across the street we went to the basketball court. After time at the court we ended up at the mall and or theatre then CC’s restaurant to eat. I didn’t spend that much time with my dad, I saw him all day Monday and some of the day Tuesday before he left back to Gillett. I enjoyed spending time with him because we are so much alike, were both competitive and disagree with everyone and think we are always right. I can also tell my dad anything without getting in trouble by my mom. A lot of kids fathers are pretty old and dried out not saying it is a bad thing but it happens, my father on the other hand is young, he’s not in the best shape but he can almost keep up when we play sports.
As you just read spending time with my dad was a great experience and a good thing to do, not only for me but also for my other part of my family in which I don’t often see. I plan to see my father again soon just for a longer period of time. He lives six hours away in Gillett Wyoming so when I get my car I plan to drive up there. That is pretty much the highlight of my winter break this year.

4 comments:

  1. Your essay lacked focus and organization. It went from point to point with little use of tranistions. We need to help you work on this. I think that outling will really help you. You need to use this technique to help your writing keep the reader interested. We'll also work on sentence variety.
    Audience and purpose: 2.7
    Format: 4
    total: 40/50 80%

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  2. I liked your story because the relationship you explained having with your family was interesting. The next time you write an essay you should add more excitement. I have to say you did a good job when it came to punctuation and grammar. The flow was good. I thought your essay was good overall.

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  3. I LIKED YOUR STORY BECAUSE I CAN REALLY RELATE TO IT. MY DAD IS ALSO VERY COOL AND I ENJOY SPENDING ALOT OF TIME WITH HIM TOO. NEXT TIME TRY TO INCOPERATE MORE DETAILS ABOUT WHAT YOU DID WHEN YOU SPENT TIME WITH HIM, LIKE HOW BAD DID YOU BEAT HIM, AND WHAT ALL DID YOU DO AT THE MALL STUFF LIKE THAT. OVERALL VERY GOOD STORY.

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  4. I really enjoyed your narrative because I love to spend time with my dad. It is very good to notice spending time with family is important, there's not always the chance. Your paper flowed well and it was easy to understand. Great job.

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